The Storm

A storm brewed last night. You know the usual stuff - heavy winds, torrential rain, thunder clapping. This time however, it was rather close to home, close to my heart to be precise. Had this storm hit a year ago, or even a month ago the resulting damage would have been very different. Then it would have been followed by sleepless nights, emo thoughts and self harm. This time round, the storm was followed by a sleepless night. Sleepless yes, emo no. And here in lies the difference. The aftermath of the storm saw the realisation of clarity. Clarity - many of you would have experienced the clarity perceived by me via the txt messages at such an odd hour - something that I have yet, until this day,to experience. Its like when a storm hits a city, ravaging all the newly built buildings and establishments, stripping away all that is new and unnatural. Once the storm has moved on or subsided, all that remains in the rubble and bare minimum. But amongst that bare minimum, is something that has been hidden and forgotten behind the grey of the buildings and the changes due to establishment. It soon becomes clear that the thing is so beautiful so treasured that it required something similar to a storm to uncover. And so here I stand, having endured the storm, stripped of all that is recent and new, being left behind with a sense of clarity and perception that is amazingly comforting.

Many of you would be proclaiming that the so called storm that I experienced is not so much as a storm but a light sprinkling of rain. The storm did not brew according to the situation at hand or due to those close to me. Rather the storm was a result of weeks of misguided emotion and fear, within myself. To this extent, many of you would be left clueless to the extent nor the severity of the storm that brewed within this heart of mine.

Others would say that such a storm within one's self is completely unnecessary. For me, it was never a question of necessity, rather a question of time. It just so happens, that the buildings and the establishments can longer hide the what was once there. And whilst it could be argue that there is never a good time for a storm, there has never been a better time than to accept the aftermath of the storm.

Clarity - the epiphany, the resolve, the ramifications. And so what to does this mean? To be honest, I am neither certain nor clear on the extent to which this will impact my life. Having said this, the light that has been spread is definite and the understanding of what needs to be done has never been so prominent.

People are always saying don't get too caught up in the future nor the past - or you run the risk of overlooking whats in front of you right now. Here and now, I realise that I am every bit as guilty of doing this as saygoe is at not exercising [=P]. I was so caught up in trying to find grounds to which a friendship existed that I overlooked the most important thing of all. Friendship. It has always been there, supporting and existing. Yet I was so engulfed in the logistics that I overlooked it. There are some things in life that, regardless of time and the development in technology, that logic will be unable to explain. Like the connection we share and the friendship that exists - logic becomes as prevalent as dementia to a goldfish. The clarity shows me not how to logically explain us nor the friendship - but shows the existence of it and the understanding within me.

The eyes no longer look but see,
The ears no longer hear but listen,
The mouth no longer talks but speaks,
The nose no longer sniffs but smells,
The hands no longer touch but feel.

This is clarity. This is understanding. This is moving forwards.

And so I say this...

I will wait.
For that day.
No, I will not wait for the day that everything is ok. To that end - waiting will become a timeless and endless activity. I will wait for the day that speech flows once more. And then, the black and white you have shown me, the clarity that I have found will become evident once more.

- Pe3Jay