HURT

Epic win quote from DBY,

There are some people in this world who aim to hurt you,

but there are also people is this world that hurt when you do

<3<3<3

KINGONE WANG <3<3

HURT

Epic win quote from DBY,

There are some people in this world who aim to hurt you,

but there are also people is this world that hurt when you do

<3<3<3

KINGONE WANG <3<3

Curse

I swear I am cursed.

Every year its like this.

Every year I plan like crazy and I get hell excited.

And in the end, something goes wrong and people bail.

All I am left with is nothing but would be plans.

Happens every year.

I should be use to it be now, but alas i still get disappointed.

Its still sad to know that other plans go ahead as mine crumbles before it even comes to fruition

Maybe this is my curse...


-Pe3JaY

ON A SIDE NOTE

JT WILL BECOME FAMOUS,
so before he does and forgets who I am, I would like to say that I along with alot of other people recognised his true talent and ability long before the taiwan public did <3

Practice

Since we were little we have always been told that practice makes perfect...
It has always been the ideal that if there is something that we couldn't achieve the first time perseverance and practice would reap its own rewards, and in turn provide success.

Practice, practice and practice....

The notion of practice makes prefect is more than simply conjecture or even a theory. We has humans have lived it and understand it.

So this notion of continuous repetition, can it be applied to life?

That is to say will one's life become more enjoyable if they choose to practice living it?

Choosing to live one's life day in day out can only mean that living life will become second nature and anything but living life will become a dull comparison to it.

Shoes

24 became 26, which in turn after a while became 27

Now, thanks to my mother's maternal instincts it is back to 24.

Jan Di was told once that
"Good shoes take good people to good places"

Where will your shoes take you today?

ON A SIDE NOTE
THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST EXCITING NEWS FOR ME BEING A UWA STUDENT IN A LONG TIME

THERE IS NOW A COMMONWEALTH ATM ON CAMPUS
lol
its next to the co - op ... check it out sometime ^^

Pe3Jay

Long Time ...

Long time no blog...

Alot has happened since I last blog. Some important and others not so. None the less they have occurred and here I stand. So what has happened since I last blog?

- My 姑母, 姑夫 and cousins moved back from Canada. They had something like 24 luggages. Impressive right >< In any event its good to have them back ^^ In the 5 years I haven't seen them, they managed to produce another son - Nathan or Xing [姓]. Amazingly, this makes my grandparents extremely happy. Why? Because they have another grandchild. Possibly, but more so that apparently we have good genes. Why? Well out of a 15 grandchildren - 12 are boys and only 3 are girls. Thats a good 80% strike rate according to my grandparents. They are ecstatic.

- Study week. What fun is business school. Lots of snacks, and lots of study. In between the regular movement between rooms, I would say significant amounts of work was done.

-Exams. Gay. It seems to be a common thought about this semesters exams. Even the time tables were screwed =/ Fourth year units + closed book law exam + 1 hour law exam + daniella = epic failz. On a side note daniella's car was overturned after the civl2110 exam. GG

- Holidays. Its gd that they are finally here. Its good just to be able to sit around and not have any thing to do AND not feel guilty about not doing anything.

Despite all the plans I had made to do over the holidays few have been done ><>< And pretty much any other attempt has resulted in disappointment. In normal circumstances this would have frustrated me to some point leading to an emo blog about how gay life is. But it takes a little bit of understanding and a little bit of effort to change the way one looks at things.

On the brighter side of things - I was lucky enough to go shopping with my cousin. Spent some money and caught up. It was quite the enjoyable. It has become apparent however that my earning capacity is a long way short of sustaining my spending patterns =/

Transformers comes out tomorrow. I am quite excited. Megan Fox has long replaced angelina jolie - she became a bit strange when she got with brad - and I am looking forward to see her acting prowess. Whilst it does appear that I will be watching it alone tomorrow, it is of no deterrence^^

Thats pretty much it - boring post I know. I will work back into my usual style of posting when I get back into the groove of it ^^

-Pe3Jay

P.S Esplande bus port to my house is actually pretty far. In a stroke of genius i decided to walk home from work today. It was substantially longer than I had anticipated =/

=]

The best thing about today ...

It wasn't the bubble tea

Nor was it the sunny weather

Neither was it the BMT

Rather it was your smile,

Not just a smile, but a smile directed to me

Short post I know
But you know - I too am beginning to love life <3

-Pe3Jay

Retribution

Walking down the paths of life, one is never alone. The path is trodden with foot prints and marks foreign to one's self. These marks belong to those that share your path. And indeed some will find a path of their own to partake on, and others will join. And whilst you may leave this path, others will tread the path that you once walked. Never, will others fill the prints that you left on the path or in my heart. The space that is left beside me - should it happen - will never and cannot ever be replaced nor filled by another. It is a space that without you, will be left void - for you were the only one that truly filled it. Others will try and whilst can momentarily fill the space, it is a matter of moments before they fall short of you. Despite all this, it is not a concern. Above all else, you never left. The fog in my mind that blunted my senses caused me to lose you - not in life, but in my mind. Yet with clarity a hand once more, the fog has risen, and your there like you were before.

It scares me. Yet it comforts me. To know that someone understands me so well. That someone took the time out to understand me so well. All the barriers I have set up and all the logic in my head, tells me that through the short period of time no one can understand someone else so well. Contrary to the baggage I carry and the my burdened heart - I dare to believe. To believe in you and to believe in what we share.

Everytime, I so much as think of you, guilt riddles my body and mind. You understand me, comprehend me far beyond even myself can come to understand myself. And yet in all this time, I preach the connection we have, I hold it dear to my heart, yet I have only begun to understand the person I came to see as a brother. Shrouded in little more than my own fog and mist, I admit I failed to understand you to the degree you have me. But none the less, I do believe I understand you, however little it is, its an understanding none the less. I have never failed to notice you. At times it may seem like it, but never were the thoughts of you gone from my mind. I have said it to you before and I say it again - no matter how many complications there could have been, is irregardless, as I have learned to appreciate the bad as much as the good.

They say that literature is the way of learning. Indeed, through reading it is possible to learn about the world and its functions. Yet in reading what you have written, I have felt the closest to you in 3 weeks. Whilst I have always believed in you, its is from reading that I have understood you the most in these 3 weeks. And in reading, the clarity I have found continues to show me things that have always been - yet I have been to emotionally dependent to see.

I cant fault you. There are times when you see right through me. The times when I say things just to cover up the hurt and the baggage I carry. You see it all. And for that I am grateful. As you write how you feel, I pour my heart into what I write. Whilst it may never be clear what I mean when I write nor when I speak - yet know that it comes from the heart and that you along with others close to my heart will always play a role. I hope that you don't doubt those times that I opened myself to you. I hope you don't doubt the closeness I have expressed to feel for you. Each of these has been spoken not out of compulsion nor adrenaline, but have been contemplated through sleepless nights and come from no where short of the heart. But to say that you are wrong would be unjustified of me. Comments have been made that are neither throughly explored to extent that it has the fully backing of my heart. Just know that those words expressed to you, every word, every syllable, every letter has been contemplated and comes from within.

Neither can I deny my emotional dependence. It is something that is both a curse and gift. It allows me to divulge my emotions to those I trust. Yet it can also be the means to which I push those close to me away. By no means I have I learnt to control it. Rather its learning to be dependent on other things - such as you and those close to me.

The wall that separates us,
The echo of hollowed bricks,
The air drifting between us,
To know that your there,
the strange comfort,
The eerie despair,
knowing that you could be gone,
before I was there,

And so ,
half the night I waste in sighs,
half in dreams,
I sorrow,
for the hand, the smile, the eyes
for the meeting of tomorrow.

As the door swings back and forwards,
I peer,
not into darkness,
rather happiness and light,
One hand tracing the contours of the door,
the other extracting the warmth of the handle,
I breathe,
for it is time to explore the room beyond,
I breathe,
the meeting of tomorrow has come,
I breathe,
today I step forward once again.

-Pe3Jay

The Storm

A storm brewed last night. You know the usual stuff - heavy winds, torrential rain, thunder clapping. This time however, it was rather close to home, close to my heart to be precise. Had this storm hit a year ago, or even a month ago the resulting damage would have been very different. Then it would have been followed by sleepless nights, emo thoughts and self harm. This time round, the storm was followed by a sleepless night. Sleepless yes, emo no. And here in lies the difference. The aftermath of the storm saw the realisation of clarity. Clarity - many of you would have experienced the clarity perceived by me via the txt messages at such an odd hour - something that I have yet, until this day,to experience. Its like when a storm hits a city, ravaging all the newly built buildings and establishments, stripping away all that is new and unnatural. Once the storm has moved on or subsided, all that remains in the rubble and bare minimum. But amongst that bare minimum, is something that has been hidden and forgotten behind the grey of the buildings and the changes due to establishment. It soon becomes clear that the thing is so beautiful so treasured that it required something similar to a storm to uncover. And so here I stand, having endured the storm, stripped of all that is recent and new, being left behind with a sense of clarity and perception that is amazingly comforting.

Many of you would be proclaiming that the so called storm that I experienced is not so much as a storm but a light sprinkling of rain. The storm did not brew according to the situation at hand or due to those close to me. Rather the storm was a result of weeks of misguided emotion and fear, within myself. To this extent, many of you would be left clueless to the extent nor the severity of the storm that brewed within this heart of mine.

Others would say that such a storm within one's self is completely unnecessary. For me, it was never a question of necessity, rather a question of time. It just so happens, that the buildings and the establishments can longer hide the what was once there. And whilst it could be argue that there is never a good time for a storm, there has never been a better time than to accept the aftermath of the storm.

Clarity - the epiphany, the resolve, the ramifications. And so what to does this mean? To be honest, I am neither certain nor clear on the extent to which this will impact my life. Having said this, the light that has been spread is definite and the understanding of what needs to be done has never been so prominent.

People are always saying don't get too caught up in the future nor the past - or you run the risk of overlooking whats in front of you right now. Here and now, I realise that I am every bit as guilty of doing this as saygoe is at not exercising [=P]. I was so caught up in trying to find grounds to which a friendship existed that I overlooked the most important thing of all. Friendship. It has always been there, supporting and existing. Yet I was so engulfed in the logistics that I overlooked it. There are some things in life that, regardless of time and the development in technology, that logic will be unable to explain. Like the connection we share and the friendship that exists - logic becomes as prevalent as dementia to a goldfish. The clarity shows me not how to logically explain us nor the friendship - but shows the existence of it and the understanding within me.

The eyes no longer look but see,
The ears no longer hear but listen,
The mouth no longer talks but speaks,
The nose no longer sniffs but smells,
The hands no longer touch but feel.

This is clarity. This is understanding. This is moving forwards.

And so I say this...

I will wait.
For that day.
No, I will not wait for the day that everything is ok. To that end - waiting will become a timeless and endless activity. I will wait for the day that speech flows once more. And then, the black and white you have shown me, the clarity that I have found will become evident once more.

- Pe3Jay

The Grain of Rice

Imagine a cup of rice. Yes thats right a cup of rice. Now imagine that its full. Not simply full but out to overfull, full. Say that the cup was one grain of rice from over flowing and splurging out onto everything. Now imagine two of those, one on each end of a scale. One grain of rice - one grain that can tip the scales in either direction. A sole grain of rice, whilst small, has never had so much importance in its life.

Its a bit like my life right about now. The glass is almost overflowing with happiness and content. But yet there is a single grain of rice missing. Without this single grain of rice, neither the happiness or the content can be seen to its fullest extent.

There are those of you that proclaim that the the glass is predominantly full and therefore happiness should be evident. However, at this point in time happiness doesn't function in such a "majority rules" manner. Complete happiness and content with one's self can only be achieved when every detail is in line. Every detail, every grain of rice - however small, can tip the scales.

And so many ask what is the grain of rice that is so significant that it can tip the scale from complete happiness to utter despair. Many of you will know for me. Its not something that I can hide from my face. To some people it seems insignificant. For me, sneezing at something like this there is no bigger insult. For me the grain of rice has significance that is beyond most peoples comprehension.

Those that close to me would say that I get to worked up in such an issue. Yet I see the grain of rice slowing falling onto the glass and upsetting the balance of the scales. As the glass proceeds to overflow with rice, the cascading rice hides the descent of the scales into utter despair. This is what i see happening in my mind's eye. Devastating. Yet every second I live, is one second closer to confirming that image.

A single grain of rice
Two outcomes
Endless ramifications

And so here I sit, dreading the outcome as it creeps closer. I don't know what is more unnerving - the silence in my head or the storm that is brewing. Yet amongst all the clutter in my head I cling onto a single thought - if I want it enough then it will be. I want it enough - but whether or not the scales will tip to my favour is yet to be seen.

- Pe3Jay

Silver Lining

I have been quite hormonal today - emotions have been all over the place. And hence, the triple post since this morn.

And so the saying goes -
To every cloud there is a silver lining.

Indeed, in this last week there has been turmoil and angst, the cloud that lingers over my head. But as of now, the silver lining is becoming clear.

I set out to find myself this weekend, and indeed many people tried to assist me. And to those that tried to help me, I thank you. However, it took forgotten friendship, to guide me to find myself.

Forgotten may not be the write word to describe it. Over time the friendship had change in both characteristic and manner. It was never forgotten, just not as instantaneously recognised. It is however, this fact that allowed me to find myself. Though time and some distance has grown between us, the reassurance that was given has guided me to find myself today.

I don't think that the friend realises how much he has given me in that small conversation. But I am forever in his debt. To thank him is simply not enough.

And although, right now I have turmoils and angst within me, I have discovered something. Something that I hope will aid me in rediscovering the friendship that I single handedly destroyed. I have found myself. And whilst it is just the beginning, its a different story from here on in.

Yesterday, my backward step had been taken. Today, I begin to move forward.

-Pe3Jay

=.=

輸贏是毫無意義的，
Winning or losing is meaningless,
最後，只有你需要的人是自己打敗
In the end the only person you need to defeat is yourself

The Worst Thing

For some people the worst thing in the world is death. For others, it is solitude. But for myself, I honestly believe that false hope is one of the worst things in the world. False hope, you ask, how can this rate amongst the worst things in the world. Simply put, false hope, induces someone to believe, someone to have faith, someone to strive for something that was never going to eventuate in the first place. False hope can arise in various situations,

1. It can arise when the object of a person's affection, plays on your feelings, and coerces you to believe that there is a possibility, however slight. In actual fact, there is no possibility - the act of coercing is nothing more than a means to reap the benefits of your infatuation.

or

2. Alternatively, the situation may arise in similar circumstances, but with a different relationships. Say friends. For someone to lead you to believe that the existence of friendship is there, where in actual fact it consists of nothing more than the occasional greeting, is destructive. Where there is no possibility of friendship or no friendship at all - the inducing of someone to believe that there is, can be devastating for the victim. They put in all their efforts, in the hope that you may be friends, but in the end its all for nothing.

So why is it that this is such a bad thing? As said above it induces a person to dare to belief and to pursue something that is never going to happen.

There are those of you who will say that this is like going after a dream that is near impossible. It is not. In one case, a person is striving and putting all their effort into achieving a dream that was born out of their own mind. In the other, a person is induced into believing. And consequently, is chasing something on the grounds of misrepresentation. Where as it is something they would like, whether it be a gf, bf or friend, they are believing the possibility on false pretenses.

Then there are those of you that proclaim that this always happens and people need to htfu. Simply put, these are those people that provide the false hope. In essence they have no comprehension of the consequences that their actions cause people.

Then again, there are also those of you are of the opinion that is the person's own fault for believing. How is this situation any different than to those con artist whom pray on their good hearts of people, in times of hardships and in cases of misfortune? It is not. Whilst its not a investment of money that occurs, its the investment of something for valuable - emotion. It cannot be helped that these people, believe in humanity, and have a good, self - less heart. For someone to take advantage of this, is just as bad as taking advantage of the sick.

This can be likened to an action on the doctrine of Illegitimate Pressure under Equitable law. In such a case - a pressure which is illegitimate - induces or coerces the plaintiff to act in a certain way. How is illegitimate pressure similar? Well, a pressure that is illegitimate can manifest in a number of forms - whether it be by unlawful means or on the grounds of misrepresentation, as in this case. And the act that they are coerced into doing? Believing.

People will proclaim that there is a negligible opportunity for such an action like this to succeed, and therefore it is just. Whilst this is true - I do not deny that an action like this should succeed - this simply means that the result is Equitably just and practically just. Not for a single moment, does the reasonable person believe that this is morally just.

False Hope, a simple concept
Created by one and deposited on another.
For those that create it, maybe one night's lack of sleep due to guilt, will teach you of the pain and hurt that it will cause someone 100 sleepless nights.

-Pe3Jay

STALKER MUCH

Sorry for the lack of posting lately been busy ^^ OK here is a thought,

Is your friendship or relationship with someone deep enough to find them? Yes it's a random question. Alas its the single thought that has been playing on my mind today.

Hypothetically speaking - do you think you would be able to find someone, if they simply gave you an area and a landmark. I guess, its possible that if you knew the area well enough then it is possible. But what happens, if you had a hunch where they were - not just the area but the precise location. Creepy? yes. Stalkerish? Most Definitely. Meaning? To be honest, I don't have a clue.

So here I ponder. Is it possible to have such a connection to a loved one, that one could find them in any situation? Apparently, twins have a psychic connection due to their birth rights. But what if this was applicable to everyone and those that they loved? The implications of this would be both puzzling and a development in the human race.

Naturally, this the finding of a loved one is not restricted to the physical realm. One can always find a loved one through emotional hardship and mental crisis. That is to say that, when close to someone, you will be able to find them in a sea of emotions, a desert of despair and a realm of unknown. Your face, your hand, and your support is what finds them.

More over, is it possible for one to find themselves? If one were truly to be connected to themselves, they too would be able to find themselves amongst all the emotions and physical barriers. Finding one's self can be see as knowing one's self, being comfortable with one's self and above all else loving one's self. Whilst for some this as naturally as walking or talking for others it is more difficult. For those that have lived a life of hurt and pain, and no nothing more, the doubt they entrenched within themselves, is not a reflection of mistrust to those close to them, but rather a defence mechanism implanted over years. A defence mechanism that is designed to prevent those from being hurt, but in turn also prevents those from loving - themselves and others.

Indeed before one can love any one else, or find them for that matter, they must be able to love and find themselves. For those that have been hurt, it is the idea of daring to lower the defences, the idea of finding yourself in order to move on. Not a simple task my any means - for those that have been hurt, to trust themselves is the biggest leap of faith. And so this is likened to my early blog -

Courage is not the absence of fear - rather it is the acknowledgment that something is more important that fear itself.

And so the question is posed - to those that have been hurt, is the thought of finding one's self and finding others close to you, more important than the fear of being hurt? At one stage, this question would have been difficultly answered by myself. A concept that seemed simple enough on the surface, but presented days of turmoil. That was once upon a time. Here and now, the answer is more apparent then ever.

And so the saying goes - 1 step back , 2 steps forward.
I have taken my step back now its time to move forward.

- Pe3Jay

Choices

Choices.

In life, everyone has to make choices. Tall short fat small ugly annoying- yes, we all make choices. 

When I was younger, there was always someone more mature, be it my mom or my dad to help me make this "choice" or "decision". I never had anything to worry about. I just trusted in whatever choice they made for me to be right. 

And I lived like a Queen. A Queen with her lovely castle where all she did was daydream and had no worries whatsoever. 

However, as our elders tell us, when we become older, we have to learn to make these choices ourselves. It may be wrong, it may be right; but we make these rational choices to improve our lives, and we should therefore accept the choices we make without regrets. I have finally reached the stage in my life where I have to make a choice:

To keep, or to let go?

This is one question which has been replaying itself in my head all night. How do you know when the pain is worth staying with the thing you love? How do you even know if the thing feels the same way you do? How do you know if this- How do you know if that-

People have always said, 'When you love something, let it go, and it comes back to you, it is yours forever'.

Choices.

One word- yet so much thought put into it;

One word- yet so much pain is made out of it;

One word- yet so much effort is put through it;

I have made my choice, and will go on without regrets. I hope you all will too.

QueenA*

Inadequacy

Inadequacy.

Its the one word that rings through my head. I don't know what is more deafening the constant word of Inadequacy or the silence that follows it.

Its like a bad smell that I can't wash off. No matter how many times you shower, the smell lingers. Whether its the constant distaste of one's self or the actual constant smell, its a constant reminder of the inadequacy - as if the thoughts were not enough.

I don't know whats worse - the lack of logic in my head or the utter realisation of the I word. Its funny who a single person, that you haven't known for long can invoke such a feeling. But then again, the bond that I felt went beyond the weeks that we have known. It was something that cannot be described in words alone. That is to say there isn't enough daylight in a day, nor is their enough night in a night to express how important they are to me.

In reference to my earlier posts - maybe, it one of those situations that I must let them go, in order to care for them. Its something I don't want to do, but in the end, I do care enough for this individual to see them happy. Its all that matters for me.

Emotions they have been plaguing me lately. And thankyou to that person that has been my sole light. To me your like the little smiley face night light that I had when I was young. You kept the shadows of my emotions at bay. The things that you have done for me this night along go beyond the mere words of thankyou.

Short post - nothing of great importance - simply needed to rant.
Thankyou I say to those that read and hear my voice.

PJ ><"

The Sketching of Paintings

It starts of with a white canvas - as white as the snow and as clear as water. In the space of a blink, the white is contrasted with speckles of colour, the once deserted clarity is gracefully broken with vivid disconnections. And so it begins, the acquaintances have been made, and the image is beginning to form.

As time progresses, so to does the picture take form and shape. The speckles of colour, lose their disconnection, becoming much more expansive. It is no longer the white that is broken by the colour, but the colour broken by white. The clarity may be dispensed of, but it is replaced by something much more mysterious yet much more inviting none the less. And further the picture deepens.

The picture begins to take shape, the hues and the tones changing the emotions within the picture. It is far from the white canvas that once stood, displaying a variety of brush strokes and colour. Behind each which lies a meaning, a thought, a love. The picture nears it completion, yet in place of the clarity that once stood, there is a sea of emotion, a horde of thought and above all else a fountain of love.

The final accents are placed in the picture, bringing to life not only the images that stand, but defining each and every thought, emotion and meaning within the picture. The picture is complete. It is no longer a blank canvas of endless clarity, rather it is an image that carries with it the thoughts of one, the emotions of many and the love of everyone.

So what relevance is this? To be honest I don't know exactly myself. Its a thought that I stumbled upon when thinking of my friends. I suppose the painting of a picture is like the developing of a friendship. It starts of blank, and as they get to know each other the picture slowly and surely paints itself. The tones and hues represent the form that relationship is taking, with each tones altering the face of the relationship. The final accents, represent that which draws the people together - the bond, the unity, the companionship.

Image an art gallery, and a single hall of the best, most thought provoking, most loved and most beautiful pictures. That is what a one's heart can be liken too. Each picture representing the closest and most loved friends and family in one's life. I find myself regularly staring at the newest picture being hung in the gallery. The process of painting this picture was neither long nor scary. In a glimpse of an eye the picture was painted and hung before a single bated breathe could be drawn. Having said this, the picture is as beautiful and as loved as any other picture in the gallery. The love isn't for the picture, rather for what it represents - the beginning of something new, something that has already found its was into my heart. Despite the short time, I find myself unable to comprehend ever taking down the painting or even replacing it. It seems, my heart has accepted it for eternity, a thought that is amazingly comforting.

As this blog is posted, could it be that another picture is being painted. Alas the canvas is waiting and the brush and palette sitting patiently, waiting for the right encounter from them to dance across the clarity of white.

To Fight or To Lay Low

Here is a thought that occurred to me on the way to Uni... it was kindly induced by the song 내 머리가 나빠서 by SS501. For those of you that don't know its the Ji Hoo song from BBF. [ snaps to BBF and fans <3] The literal translation for the song is "Because I am stupid". So the song is pretty much centered around Ji Hoo's love for Jan Di. The ending goes something like
니가 너무 생각나는 날엔
In those days when all I think about is you
가슴 시리고 슬픈 날에는

Those days when my heart is cold and sad
니가 보고싶다 입가에 맴돌아
My mouth wordlessly repeats “I want to see you”
혼자 다시 또 cry for you
And all alone I cry for you again
혼자 다시 또 missing for you
And all alone I’m missing you

And so it begs the question is it stupid of Ji Hoo?

Take his situation. 2people that he unduly cares about - one his best friend which he has grown to love like a brother, the other is the one his heart yearns for.

Would one rather keep fighting for the one he yearns for - and attempt to break down the walls, or does one realise the happiness before him?

There are strong arguments on either side
There are those that say that when a person has the ability to turn a half empty glass into half full, your darkest corner into the brightest room, to turn the coldest winter's night breeze into a refreshing breathe, to change a sleepless night into a night of wakeful thoughts, then they are truly worth fighting for.

But then there are those that say, if she is already happy is that not enough for one's self?

Myself? Well I tend to believe that sometimes to show someone that you them and care you have to let them go. If one truly loves the one he yearns for, then nothing would be more satisfying then seeing them happy and content. Even if the happiness is found in the arms of the best friend, the pain that ones suffers is also worth the happiness in her face.

The idea that letting in some cases letting them go is the only way to show them you care is more vast in its application than that of love. The same principle can be applied to parents and child. There will come a time when parents will learn to let their child go and develop as human beings on their own. This is not to say that parents don't love their child before hand, it simply means that at that stage to love them is to let them experience the world for themselves.

Take the example of a child. He is always told by his parents that chilli is 'hot' and 'spicy'. They do this out of love for him. And yes, naturally the child will avoid chilli, because he knows that they are 'hot'. But at some stage the parents will have to let him attempt the 'hotness', not for pain, but to understand and truly know what his parents meant by 'hot'. Simply put whilst a child may be told a chilli is hot, they will never understand the extent to which it means unless they try it themselves.

And so this brings me to the end of my rant today...
HORRAH equity exam in a couple of hours ><
GG my life.

Till next time
PJ out ><

Solitude

It is inevitable that at some stage in all our lives that the loneliness creeps into our lives. Surrounded by a see of faces one can still feel alone. Surrounded by a sea of bodies, none can give you the warmth needed. Surrounded by a symphony of voices, yet none sing true to resonate the soul.

Below are the lyrics to the song Bu Hui Ai by Fahrenheit:

只剩下冰冷空气陪我一整晚
zhi sheng xia bing leng kong qi pei wo yi zheng wan
The only remainder is the icy cold air that is with me all night
寂寞却多到塞车根本无法动弹
ji mo que duo dao sai che gen ben wu fa dong dan yeah~
Loneliness like a traffic jam, makes it impossible to move
一翻身我在半夜突然就醒来
yi fan shen wo zai ban ye tu ran jiu xing lai
I turn over, and suddenly I am awake at midnight
梦里你的唇柔软
meng li ni de chun rou ruan
Yet my lingering dreams, remind me of your soft lips

And yes they can't sing, and yes they are only famous cause of their good looks. But one cannot deny the lyrics and their meaning.

And so one ponders the ability of a person to have such an effect. The ability for one person to amplify the winter's air. The ability of one person, to in still motionless. The ability of one person, to forever change the night into a slumberless night of sighs....

Despite all this, this is rather a pessimistic outlook. Once upon a time, this would have been the outlook for me... yet one often forgets that being so distracted in the downfalls of life they forget to view the progression they have made.

Whilst the ability of a person can and is to instill such pains into a life, it is also has the ability to become the friendly face in the see, the body that shields the cold, the voice that sing true to the soul.

And so the question remains, will the hurt and pain be worth the happiness and joy? Whilst the answer is subjective to the views of the individual, one can ask what happiness and joy isn't worth the pain and hurt? What amount of pain and hurt are you willing to suffer for one moment with the people most important to you?

Is it this level of pain and hurt willing to suffer an indication of the level of importance to you? Whilst it is argumentative, it hardly seems conclusive. It becomes a subjective level to the individual. As for me, those close to me will understand that to me my inner circle is the world, and a single moment with any one of them is worth everything that I can suffer.

Pe3Jay

Sigh at Life

Sometimes things in life don't always go as planned. Something might happen, and unexpectedly throwing out the plans that one has. Most of the time it is easily fixed, with simple re arranging of the plans. Other times its not so simple. In any event, one can choose to takes these changes in plan negatively and allow it to ruin their lives, or alternatively they can draw the positives from it and allow people to grow as humanity. I am not one to preach about destiny and fate of the like, but sometimes one just has to see the positives that have surfaced due to the negative happenings of the universe^^

As with all things in life, a little courage goes a long way in making life what you want it to be. Whilst not everything requires courage, the most desired things in life require a it. The asking of a date, the business venture, the contradiction of known law, the rebuttal of science and physics, all require courage. And in turn each has its rewards, whilst not apparent at first. It was once said that
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the acknowledgment that something is more important that fear itself"

And yes the quote is from a movie, and a girly one at that. But none the less it highlights the how the important things in our lives draws out the best in us.

=]

Trolls

Ok so I have decided to blog again ....
Its been a while and I hope starting afresh will encourage me to keep it as updated as possible. So what is it that has got me blogging again? Amongst other things, including blogs of friends, an incident last night.

So here I begin my rant ><
I F*****N HATE TROLLS Yes thats right trolls. We all have them in our lives. They come in a variety of colours and styles but thre is no doubting the troll in people's lives. So why are these trolls so hated? Some people say that its because they are useless, others because they are ugly and some because they are down right annoying. I like to think that they are the epiphany of hatred and a combination of these and other such nasty things. Regardless of the colour or style of troll, there is no denying how downright ugly they are. Neither is there an escape from their lack of common sense and interpersonal skills. Alas they are a troll.
Take the example of Jah'rakal. For those that don't know who this is, it is the troll character from dota. First impression ? He is downright ugly. Yes that black thing on its face, isn't a dust mark nor is it a mole.. it is his face. And thus one can see how hideous trolls are.

Secondly, in its little description it clearly states that trolls were considered primitive and unreliable. Don't know about you guys but in my books they are still primitive and lack the basic human interaction skills.

Thirdly, one of the trolls attack is blind. Yes thats right it has the ability to render its opponents blind. That is to prove the lack of appealing looks, as well to signify people's lack of interest to pay any attention to such creatures.

Lastly, the troll has an ultimate known as Rampage. Yes thats right the troll goes into a feral rampage. I think that speaks for itself.

Ok, I know I said lastly but I aint done complaining.

It is common knowledge that troll is luck dependant - ie irl this means that success on their behalf is only accomplished by luck ><. In addition to this trolls are heavily dependant on farming - ok so for those of you who don't play dota this pretty much means that unless you have a good team backing you up at the start of the game and mid game, so you can go earn some extra cash to buy gd items, then your pretty much useless. Similarly, irl trolls simply are a result of the work that other people put in. Sound familiar? Well, there is bound to be a troll in all our lives. And indeed there appears to be one lurky in the forums as of late ><><>